Some How, Some Way
by Lara1221
Summary: The day Severus Snape's life changed forever.


**Disclaimer: **Nothing you recognize is mine, at all, and I don't want money. I don't own the cover, either, property Warner Bros. Dialogue from JK Rowling's Deathly Hallows (I don't own that either).

* * *

_And the measure of my changing love for you is that I do not see you but love you blindly._ - Pablo Neruda

* * *

Some How, Some Way

Severus rushed around the corner, frantic in his movements in the middle of the night. He disapparated with a sharp, echoing _crack_.

The chilly, extremely early morning November air rushed past, and Severus tightened the black scarf around his neck, and he frowned when he thought of the green and silver one that used to adorn his neck; it was a fleeting thought, but one he held of importance.

It was the Sorting that had pushed Lily away, he remembered,

_"We'll still be friends, right? Won't we, Sev? I thought... you said it doesn't make a difference, the houses-"_

_Her voice was firm, but her eyes were teary and Severus was surprised; she was always so strong._

_He almost hugged her, but resisted the impulse. He slowly placed a hand on her arm, hoping she didn't notice he got a bit jittery- he wasn't quite sure, but strange things had been happening to him lately around her._

_"Of course, Lily. I'll always be here for you, you know that."_

_She threw her arms around him, and Severus's heart burst._

_Perhaps he was in this too deep._

So, no; it wasn't the Sorting, he recalled. But it was a part of it.

Though, it seemed there were infinite parts of it.

But now, none of that mattered anymore, did it? Lily was...well, words had never been Severus's forte, as much as he loathed to admit it-

Or maybe it was because he was positive he couldn't describe Lily in one word, or two, or even a thousand.

_Love, maybe,_ he thought, _always love_.

She didn't deserve this, any of this, and Severus realized with a jolt that he was all alone, and that he was crying, and had been doing so for a very long time, most likely.

_Dumbledore_, he reminded himself, he _needed_ to get to Dumbledore.

Unconcealed rage fueled his every step, as if Lily's thoughts and words and actions, everything she had ever said to him, everytime she made him feel something- _all the time _transferred into everything he did: powerful steps, flourishing movements. Finally, Hogwarts came into view, and Severus strided further along, barging through the castle doors and up the stairs to the Headmaster's Office adjusting to the flood of light after being out in the dark and pocketing his wand. Dumbledore was pacing, seemingly frantic as well, and though Severus knew he felt more remorse than he did, for he had liked Potter, the fact that he was not to the level of infuriating the Severus was made him extremely angry.

"She's DEAD! HOW, _how _could this happen? You were supposed to keep her safe! I- I swore my loyalty to you! How-"

Severus broke down. He reached his limit, there and then, the tightly wound string inside him snapping. The sobs engulfed him, and it outraged him that he was comfortable enough in front of his old Headmaster to let him see what he was truly feeling. He collapsed in a chair, his body curved in on itself. He looked up after a long time, panting,

"I thought. . . you were going. . . to keep her. . . safe. . . ."

"She and James put their faith in the wrong person," said Dumbledore. "Rather like you, Severus. Weren't you hoping that Lord Voldemort would spare her?"

Severus's breathing became shallow as he took it all in.

"Her boy survives," said Dumbledore.

Severus snapped his head up, attention captured.

"Her son lives. He has her eyes, precisely her eyes. You remember the shape and color of Lily Evans's eyes, I am sure?"

"DON'T!" bellowed Severus. "Gone. . . dead. . ."

"Is this remorse, Severus?"

_How dare he_, Severus thought. He didn't know the half of it. She was his entire life, and just like that-

_gone_.

"I wish. . . I wish _I_ were dead. . . ."

"And what use would that be to anyone?" said Dumbledore coldly. "If you loved Lily Evans, if you truly loved her-"

There wasn't another to way to love.

"then your way forward is clear."

Severus did not understand. He did not understand why everything was so hard, why the world was so cruel. He did not understand what evil power made it possible for people like Lily...Potter to die. A radiant young woman, kind and happy and in love and a wonderful mother and perfectly content in life. Who would strip that kind of happiness away?

The man he was working for.

"What- what do you mean?"

"You know how and why she died. Make sure it was not in vain. Help me protect Lily's son."

Protection from what? "He does not need protection. The Dark Lord-" _Coward. Still can't say his name? did he mean that much to you? As much as Lily Evans? _"has gone-"

"The Dark Lord will return, and Harry Potter will be in terrible danger when he does."

There was a long pause, and slowly Severus regained control of himself, mastered his own breathing. At last he said, "Very well. Very well. But never – never tell, Dumbledore! This must be between us! Swear it! I cannot bear… especially Potter's son. . . I want your word!"

"My word, Severus, that I shall never reveal the best of you?" Dumbledore sighed looking down at him, and Severus felt a pang of remorse and guilt and regret. "If you insist. . ."

Severus couldn't take this. He stood abruptly and apparated away. Realizing he couldn't, he shot a glare at his old Headmaster, who stared back stoically, gaze hard and unmoving. Severus watched Dumbledore flick his wand, and Severus vanished disappeared. He found himself in Hogsmeade, and couldn't help but marvel at the power Dumbledore had achieved. Turning around, he clearly imagined the Potters' home in Godric's Hollow.

The roof was caved in, the house clearly near shambles. Not stopping to think, he pushed her way through rubbish and anything else that stood in his way, desperate to get to Lily.

And there she was, on the floor. Harry was bawling in his crib, and Severus suspected Dumbledore would be here momentarily. In all his thoughts, he realized it had only been an hour since he had heard the report and found Dumbledore as quickly as possible. He passed Potter's body first, whose arm was outstretched in an effort to reach Lily, he supposed.

Her emerald green eyes were lifeless, her face reflected in them like a mirror, a reflection of his soul as she passed into the unknown paradise. She was the centre of his everything: his life, his world, his universe. All he had ever wanted. He couldn't plug his thoughts anymore. All of their laughs, and happy moments, and wonderful times they had together came back to him.

And them he remembered that he had shattered that completely. Everything they had together, he had ruined.

He cradled her in his arms, tears streaking his face as the world around them did not exist. He never meant for this to happen, none of this was supposed to happen. Love wasn't supposed to betray you in this way.

His decision was made, then and there. He would make it up to her; he would never stop loving her.

Severus would save Lily Evans, he would fight for her, and he would make everything better; one day, some how, some way.

* * *

**A/N: **I already have a Snape-centric piece, but that one is very reflective, and I like how this turned out. Please leave me a review, if you liked it, and some concrit is appreciated. If you really liked it, please give my other work a chance, maybe? Written for:

**Hogwarts School Comp: Potions: **write about snape (prompts: mirror, centre, paradise, lifetime, string); **DADA: **write about protection (prompts: love, pocket, flood, report, plug) **Cinema Comp: Lord of the Rings: **write about a beginning **Disney Plotline Comp: Bambi: **write about someone losing someone **Chp. Acrostics Comp: Chp. 2: S: **object-slytherin scarf **Off the Block Comp: Extra hard Backstroke: **write a story surrounding the death of a loved one (well, unrequited loved one. how sad. poor Sev) **Star Light, Bright Challenge: White Dwarf: **write about someone's loss. **Winter Games Challenge: Men's Skeleton: **write about someone who died in the series **Poetry Quotes Challenge: **use the quote at the top **Fanfiction Terms comp: beta reader: **write about a new beginning **Gemstone comp: emerald: **write about an act of loyalty on the dark or light side

I hope you liked it! Also, I'm taking a poll about author's notes, so if you could check that out, that would be great :)

Lara,


End file.
